fear and truth

contributed by Melanie

I have always struggled with the image of God as loving father. I don’t know why, exactly, since the Scriptures are full of references to the immense love of God. I think part of the problem is that I learned to fear God at a very young age, and not in the biblical, holy sense of the word. I was just plain scared to death of Him. I grew up an evangelical church in the 80’s and at that time people were really into scaring people into the kingdom. Many of you will remember those stupid rapture films someone thought would make a good evangelistic tool. Well they sure worked on little eight-year-old me! After seeing those Christian Horror pics (there’s an interesting genre yet to be fully explored), I must have given my life to Jesus about five hundred times! I was terrified for YEARS of being “left behind.” Of course, it didn’t help that I had a mother who liked to predict the rapture. Every long weekend (her predictions always seemed to fall on stat holidays for some reason), I would lie awake at night listening for my mom’s breathing down the hall just to make sure she hadn’t been taken. I am not kidding you – this was a real fear for me! I “officially” became a Christian at camp one year after someone gave a campfire talk. I don’t remember what he said, but it must have been a doozy because I ended up bawling and shaking in my bunk bed that night begging God not to send me to hell. Unfortunately, I also learned other fears as a child, like a fear of abandonment, since my father left when I was five years old. My mom kept a journal when I was little, and stopped writing in it around the time my dad left. The last entry says that she asked me that night if I wanted to say my prayers and I responded, “no. I don’t think it works.” So, unfortunately, God and I got off to a rather auspicious start in our relationship! My fear of God was so unhealthy, and affected me so much as a child that I still struggle with it to this day and have to find ways to fight it off and replace it with a holy fear and a right understanding of who I am in Christ. For me, this means memorizing and vocalizing truth, usually through songs or scripture.

I recently came upon a song that many of you may already know, called “I Am One” by Miriam Jones. I love the words of this song because it reminds me of who I am in Christ; that even though I have failed miserably so many times at following Christ and trusting and loving God, I am still His beloved child. I am the “wretch” that has been saved by amazing grace. I have included the words below for you to ponder and meditate on. Fear is a horrible thing to live with. I know first hand! Maybe you have your own fears you’re dealing with today that are controlling you. There is no better remedy for fear than truth, and the truth is that you are greatly loved. No matter what crazy campfire guy told you when you were ten. ☺

I Am One – by Miriam Jones

I am one of His disciples
I am one who bears His name
I am one of satan’s rivals
I am one and I am – unashamed.

I am orphan made a daughter
I am a harlot made a wife
I am a poor man called to dinner
I am a stranger recognized

Oh I am the image of a hidden Glory
Oh I am danced over, died for willingly
Oh I am the keeper of a coming Kingdom
And hallelujah I am home to coming King!

I am one of His defiers
I am one of His runaways
I have fought him to the wire
And I have cursed Him to His face

But I am one who He has pardoned
I am one who knows his grace
Though the World my heart would harden
His love avows to keep it safe

Oh I am the image of a hidden Glory
Oh I am danced over, died for willingly
Oh I am the Keeper of a coming Kingdom
And hallelujah I am home to coming King!

I am one of His disciples
I am one who bears the name
I am one of satan’s rivals
I am one and I am – unashamed.